safesport

Everyone has there own opinion of it and almost no day goes by in the barn without someone mentioning it. Either complaining about the new rulings, yelling it in jest, or posting related articles on their facebook feed. Even more so lately since the recent death of Rob Gage. There are thousands of top riders but if you have spent any time in the international show jumping scene you realize there is no more than one degree of separation between all of them. Despite the all the feuds and shit-talking that goes on, we are a tight knit community. A family. When one of us faces tragedy, it shakes us as a whole.

I’ve lost more friends to this sport than I should have. Early 20-somethings that partied too hard one Sunday night. You say things like “They were taken to young” and “They were so full of potential”. In the wake of Gage’s death, however, his memory is shadowed by some disturbing allegations and being banned for life from all USEF sanctioned events. I don’t even know how to wrap my head around how I feel about this whole situation. I can’t even begin to imagine the pain and suffering his family and loved ones are going through right now. His death, as public as it was, leaves so many unanswered questions. Did he do it out of guilt? Could he not foresee a life without the sport? Would he have changed his actions if he could?

At the place I am in in my life right now, I can confidently say that suicide is never the answer but as much as I hate to admit it, I find myself sympathetic to Gage’s plight. He was faced with a life banished from the community he had been a part of for decades with no chance of redemption. He was helplessly out of control of his past in an ever-evolving world. We all make mistakes, right? (I am in no way saying that his mistakes are at all justifiable and were never okay in any point in time in history) I have done some regrettable things in my past and if my indiscretions were to come back to jeopardize my life’s work later in life, I cannot speak to my reaction but I would undoubtedly have a passionate response. On the other hand, nothing I have ever done has directly put a child at risk. The debates and internal struggles seem to be brewing in all of us over this. Did SafeSport cost this man his life or was it doing it’s job in protecting young riders?

Since SafeSport’s indoctrination, I have mostly heard comments about the hassle of the online course and that “it’s all common sense”. The reactions in the beginning were largely about inconvenience. Even though it didn’t seem to be taken too seriously in the beginning, it started a new conversation around the barn. I’m sure it made every trainer question giving their student that congratulatory hug after a good round or manually adjusting a leg position in a lesson. There is so much good that can come from a trainer/student relationship. I was so lucky to have had such good role models and mentors growing up. It saddens me to know that these trans-generational relationships are going to be hindered. My trainers growing up were parents to me when mine were working, confidants when my troubles would follow me to the barn, and most of all, my idols. I couldn’t imagine being the horsewoman I am today without those bonds. I was definitely lucky, but I also could have been so vulnerable. So many students, working students, and young employees spend day in and day out learning from their predecessors and value their opinions as gospel; I was for sure one of them. The weight of authority and power my trainers/bosses had over me was heavy but there was never any sexual misconduct (only some extremely long work days, slight starvation, and only a few chronic injuries). It’s hard for me to wrap my head around how these kind of occurrences slip through the cracks, but I can’t help but to feel so protective after being in many different barns and watching so many kids grow up in this world.

The more thought I put into this topic, the more contention there is in the debate. It is tragic to lose a life and I hope SafeSport and USEF are making adjustments to their policies to prevent this from happening again but I am truly glad, for all the kids who are just like I was, that this has become an open discussion. This sport is rapidly changing and I know it is frustrating for everyone as the governing agencies are struggling to keep up; figuring things out trial by error. It’s hard to move forward when every direction seems to lead to different struggles but for the sake of the sport and our community, we must persist.